Northern stars

A spark in the darkness, guided by a guardian angel of the light. A promise of direction and protection. To find direction in life, when all light has been extinguished. To illuminate a path when the darkness is overwhelming.

How we long to find our very own northern stars, a guide through life and a pillar of support. A northern star that embodies the very salvation that religions preach. How oft do people fall into perpetual darkness searching for such a myth.

The real guiding lights come from within. When the mind and heart stills, the soul starts speaking. Souls full of wisdom from the aether, teaching forgotten lessons to those that has learnt to listen.

Finite

This is it. I'm 25. I'm not entirely sure if I like this number, or where I am in life. The months leading up to this phase has been enlightening and endearing.

Choices have been made, lines have been drawn. Doors remain open for some, and doors have closed for some. I don't fancy a plethora of good to happen to me. There has been great moments, evidence that lady luck hasn't forgotten me. And there has been bad instances, a culmination of bad decisions and impulsive actions.

I don't regret any of them. I can't. Things happen for a reason, and this reason has built me into who I am.

I'm pretty sure I'll continue to make stupid mistakes, and step on toes. But this is life isn't it? We all grow from mistakes and bad choices.

The past years have shown me a side of people that I usually overlook. Like how easy it is for trust to be broken, and how friends can stab you repeatedly without warning. But the goodness of people are evident as well. I have met mentors, prime examples of morality, loyalty and righteousness. I have learnt how easy it is to earn, and to waste trust, love and forgiveness.

I have learnt that it is alright to be alone. You can be lonely in a crowd as well. Being surrounded with acquaintances doesn't make you the happiest person alive. Happiness can come from being comfortable with being alone.

I watched a movie alone on my birthday, followed by a long walk (alone as well), to a restaurant where I had dinner with a few friends. The only gifts I received for my birthday, a red packet from my parents, and the company of dearest friends.

And I can't ask for more. There isn't a point in having grand celebrations and luxurious presents. The anchorage and wisdom of those around me is priceless, even more valuable than bags or wallets of renowned brands.

And I am thankful. I am thankful for the choices I have made. I am thankful for the mentors I have met. I am thankful for the lessons I have learnt, some taught the hard way. I am thankful for the opportunities to discover myself.

傻瓜

可能我看走了眼。可能我选择相信错的人。但是我所有的选择都来自内心的。我并没恶意，只是常被人误解。虽然我的确是比常人慢些，但我所作所为都是为了大家的和谐。

可能我的想法是个错误。可能这不是我该走的路线。可能大家恨我的原因来自我个人的缺陷。这是我自己无法确认的。如果没人让我知道自己的缺陷，我再怎么自省都无法知道的。

可能明天会带来更多希望。可能明天将会是我精神崩溃的日子。我没法知道。但为了个希望，无论多么渺小，我都不该放弃。

应为终有一天我将会变强，不再给人瞧不起。

终有一天。

Forks

In the journey through life, forks are inevitable. And decisions have to be made. Life decisions that might not matter all that much ten years down the road, for all paths lead to the same place. Yet the decisions one makes will determine the sights and sounds on the journey.

As my fork draws near, I must make an informed choice soon.

Träumen

Dreams are made of hope. Hope that might be founded or unfounded. Probably it's time for certain dreams to die.

..

Ich glaube.. Ich bin verloren.

Stargazing

If only we could play among the stars, gaze upon the moon and walk across the clouds.

If only we could swim with the fishes, drift across oceans and explore the landscape deep beneath the rolling seas.

If only.

Only when the mind is clear and the heart is true.

Maybe one day you'll see, I'll bring you to places no one has ever been to.

Maybe.

With you.

One day.

A little happiness alone

There is always a little part of you deep down that yearns to be accepted into the cool group, to be welcomed into the spotlight, to have a little bit of attention every now and then. Then there is always that other bit, buried deep under that seeks to walk and wander alone, to appreciate the beauty of silence, of spending time with yourself.

Happiness comes from understanding that you don't need to be happy to be happy. Having all your dreams come true does not necessarily mean that you'll achieve happiness. There is a different kind of satisfaction just being by yourself. A kind of a bittersweet peaceful feeling that you don't usually find in being someone else.

I do wonder about what people think about me, but after understanding that no one has any power over the opinion of others, it doesn't really matter that much. If you don't matter enough for them to understand you deeper, then they don't matter enough to take away your chance to be happy.

One way of getting back at others is to be genuinely happy. Just imagine how pissed off they'd be when they see you smiling and laughing, when they would be expecting to see you all glum and bitter.

Being on my own more often these days, working or walking, really gave me a new insight on my feelings. I do feel happier in a different way. I feel less of a need to be in control because control is simply an illusion. The only things you can control are your thoughts and reactions.

A droplet amidst the sea

Have you ever felt so powerless, so tiny and so much of a nobody in your life? Have you ever felt that the winds of fate carries you across lands and oceans and then plops you back where your journey began? Have you ever seen a film without dialogues, music or sound? How infinitely powerless and small one can be when faced with an adversary of choices much greater than him.

Much of life isn't within our control, and the only real control one is given is to admit that mere mortals have an expiry date. A day where our machinery starts to falter and fail. Even before that happens, there will be a day when new and better products enters the playing field. Life will never be an equal playing field for everyone.

What we do within this period is what defines us. Our personality, our resolve, our beliefs, or animosity all depends on how we choose to face this formidable deadline. How we choose to live, or leave, defines our legacy. How we choose to choose defines our legacy as well.

In hindsight, I wouldn't have made certain choices as I had made them. However, I wouldn't be who I am this day if I hadn't made these choices. Probably my choice of trying to blend in with the wallpaper isn't the best one to date. Yet this is who I am, preferring to remain an easy sideline spectator rather than direct confrontation. Maybe my past experiences have moulded me into a person that prefers to stand in a crowd, unseen and unknown.

Will I be remembered when my time is up? Will I be remembered in a good light, or will I be remembered as a model of negativity?

As I look upwards to the sky, the clouds drifting overhead, the specks of distant worlds so far away that it could have already ceased to exist even before my eyes lay upon it, I try to imagine how those before me glanced up and pondered the exact same thoughts that's running through my mind. Infinitely small in a chain of events measured by millions of years. I am but a part of nature, bounded by the workings of the universe. Within the greater confines of the cosmos, I am lesser than a speck of dust.

Then I realise that in our short lives before our expiry, life is simply too precious to be caught in a web of desire for fame and glory. Because no matter how much you achieve, time will simply pass you by, and you'll fade out into nonexistence whence you came from. There is no sadness nor is there joy. Just merely an appreciation for life and time that trudges on.

Suddenly, being insignificant isn't that significant after all.

Phone smiling

It happens to us all. Even more so in this tech savvy era where everything is available at the touch of your fingers. Very often we find ourselves staring at our phones, or some fancy gadgets, and smiling or laughing to ourselves. More often than not, the general public is too busy looking at their own gadgets to even notice that.

But today isn't about lamenting the loss of a interpersonal relationships, or the desensitisation of the human psyche. It isn't about pointing fingers at the development of technology, or the way information has taken over our lives. It isn't even about how digitised our life is now.

Today I just want to be normal and say that everytime my phone rings, and I see your name on the screen, my heart does a little somersault inside and a smile creeps in. I read the lines sent, and I inevitably mimic the emotions expressed, or the over exaggerated laughter that you tend to use.

Okay. Enough dreaming and time to get to bed. Ciao now

Let it go

Sometimes we hold on too long, sometimes we let go too soon. Nature do work in mysterious ways. You never really know what you have, or had, until you lose it. When obstacles come your way, it is a guessing game. How finely are you going to cut it? What are your risk margins? How much effort are you going to put in to ensure things work?

I always believe that every decision and every coincidence happens for a specific reason. Every action taken influences another reaction. How are you going to make reasonable and beneficial influences upon others depends on your agenda. No matter what we say or do, there is always an underlying intention that serves as motivation for that particular decision. At least I know of one such decision that paid off, and two friends are more deeply involved with each other after a much one sided love for the past many years.

How are you going to make today's decisions pave a better path to tomorrow's dreams? Instantaneous gratification doesn't seem to appeal all that much now, as I look at the seemingly unbounded future. A quarter of a century into my life, and I haven't much to call my own. This is where I am supposed to be at this very moment, and it is fate that you are reading this post.

The future is limitless only when you accept your present circumstances and actively plan for the later years . Every obstacle and setbacks you face is meant to be, and is an invaluable lesson that is meant only for you.

Generation Y

Yesterday I gained an unexpected audience to this blog, and it got me thinking (because I'm in camp, and there's nothing much to do) about how scarily exposed information posted on the Web is. You never know who is watching, reading our listening. That proves true for real life as well, especially with technology that has shrunk the known world so greatly.

Who do we want to be in the eyes of others? What information do we want to make available to others, and what do we want to keep personal? In the past not too long ago before technology was so widespread, such information was easily controlled. You told people around you what you wanted them to know. You kept your secrets under lock and key in a physical diary that gets hidden (mostly) under your bed, at least until your mum or nosy siblings crack them open and start feeding your embarrassing posts to their friends and your relatives.

In the world today, a photo I post now is instantaneously available to strangers across the globe. A tweet posted on a private account is instantly seen by people and shared to unintended recipients. Thoughts and words get misinterpreted, the intended meaning twisted.

The generation of instant information, has got to learn the meaning of building trust and human relationships, instead of instant gratification and pseudo networks built behind an online avatar. This generation, my generation, has lost the meaning of being gracious and human interaction. With every word and phrase uttered, or posted, being scrutinised by a hundred others, we have lost the right to speak freely and staying honest with one another.

I read an article recently about the mentality of us generation Y babies. It was about how we were raised to believe we are all unique individuals, each worthy of a career and life better than the next person. We are in a selfish era, each of us trying to control the rest, imposing our thoughts upon them, believing our perspective is the only right one. Sounds similar to the religion crusades in the early histories of Man. It's depressing and worrying at the same time. At least the crusades happened with like minded on each sides.

Today's crusades is a free for all. The strong will triumph the weak, and even so, the greed of the individual will never be satisfied. It's always about wanting more, and hoarding as much as possible. Haven't we learnt from history about how such elitist thinking will lead to more severe social problems? The world should be a better place with all our advanced technology and wealth of experiences from previous generations. But instead, we have grown selfish and developed an elitist mindset.

It is a pretty grim and cynical perspective on today's society. But I guess this is an inevitable phase of our history. Hopefully our next generation will be more human than us.